What makes you happy?
When I got married, I thought it was my husband’s responsibility to make me happy. I used being married to complete me. I worshiped the idea that I had finally been chosen. It was my understanding that because I was chosen it was his responsibility to MAKE me happy. At that time, almost 17 years ago, I had little understanding for my role in my own happiness. I secretly entered my marriage under direst. I thought that it validated me.
I applied this unhealthy attitude to my educational accomplishments, jobs & my salary. I was desperate to be validated. I was desperate to prove to the world that I could do it all and be it all. I was more concerned about checking the “success” boxes than I was about valuing the process.
- Good Career
- Private School for Kids
My marriage exposed my low self-esteem & need for perfection.
The more I experienced pressure at work, the more I thought I needed my husband to fill in the gaps. My childhood taught me to only be happy if I was accomplishing. I never learned how to be happy just because. I completed three master degree programs in the beginning of my marriage. Every promotion required a new licensure or certification. I could not afford to leave money on the table because of the type of lifestyle that I wanted to live. In addition, my husband and I had started our family. We had also become caregivers by housing my aging aunt and my sister’s mental health was starting to visibility decline.
I was desperate to contribute to the financial needs of my family, to climb the ladder of success; to be the rock that my sister and aunt needed. I had it all on the surface. I also had all the stress, pressure, and exhaustion that came with it.
I left little to no room for my role in my own happiness.
I knew it had to be better than it currently was. As I’ve grown spiritually and mentally, I’ve learned I am responsible for my happiness. I learned that if you don’t want to be happy you won’t be. My over promising and under delivering left no room for my personal happiness. What is the lie? The lie is that husbands, mates, or loved ones are solely responsible for your happiness. These people can enhance your life but they can never be something to you that you are not willing to be to yourself.
What lies have to die so that you can live?